There’s a lot of information out there about counselling and mental health. In some ways, that’s a good thing. It’s easier than it once was to find information, read about different types of support and get an idea of what might be available.
But sometimes, having lots of information doesn’t make things easier. It can actually make it harder to know where to start.
If you’re already feeling worried, uncertain, overwhelmed or simply tired of trying to make sense of things, having another hundred things to read through isn’t necessarily what you need. Sometimes, you just need to find your way through the noise.
Where do you even start?
If you’ve decided you might want some support, there can be quite a few things to think about:
- Do you want to see someone online or face-to-face?
- How much can you afford?
- Where are they based?
- What qualifications do they have?
- What experience do they have?
- What approach do they use?
Person-centred, CBT, integrative, psychodynamic… the list can seem endless.
There are directories, websites, social media pages and organisations offering information. There are also people sharing their own experiences, which can be valuable. But more information doesn’t always make a decision easier.
Sometimes the difficult part isn’t finding information. It’s working out what is relevant to you.
What actually matters to you?
It can be tempting to look for the perfect counsellor, the perfect type of therapy or the approach that is going to make everything better. I don’t think it works quite like that.
There are things you can reasonably check. Professional organisations such as BACP provide information about what to consider when looking for a therapist, including qualifications, experience, approach and practical arrangements. Those things matter, but they’re only part of the picture.
You might also want to think about what matters to you:
- Do you want someone who has experience of the particular things you’re dealing with?
- Would you prefer someone more structured, or someone who gives you more space to explore things in your own way?
- Does it matter whether sessions are online or face-to-face?
- What do you need in terms of cost, availability and location?
- What do you need to feel safe, respected and able to speak honestly?
There isn’t a single answer to these questions. What matters to one person may not matter in the same way to someone else.
You’re allowed to ask questions
It’s easy to forget that choosing a counsellor isn’t a one-way process. You’re not simply presenting yourself for assessment and waiting to find out whether you’ve been accepted. You’re allowed to ask questions too.
You might want to know:
- What experience do you have of working with something similar to what I’m dealing with?
- How do you usually work?
- What happens if I’m not sure whether counselling is helping?
- What happens if I need something different?
- How much do sessions cost?
- What happens if I need to cancel or rearrange?
- How does confidentiality work?
These are reasonable questions. BACP also recommends asking about qualifications, experience, methods of working, availability, costs, accessibility and confidentiality when considering a therapist.
You don’t need to know exactly what to ask before you make contact. And you don’t need to understand all the different types of therapy before you begin.
It’s perfectly reasonable to say that you’re not sure what you need yet. A counsellor should be willing to explain things clearly enough for you to make an informed decision.
Trust can be difficult
One of the difficult things about finding support is knowing what to trust.
There’s a lot of information online, and not all of it will be relevant to you. Some of it may be written to inform. Some of it may be someone sharing their own experience. Some of it may be professional guidance. Some of it may simply be somebody’s opinion.
Those things aren’t necessarily interchangeable.
Someone else’s experience can be valuable without telling you what your experience will be. The same is true of what you read about a particular type of therapy. It can give you something to think about. It doesn’t necessarily give you an answer.
I think this is where being informed and trusting yourself can work together.
Being informed doesn’t mean having an answer for everything. It means having enough understanding to notice what matters to you, ask questions and make a choice you feel able to stand behind.
What if you’ve tried counselling before?
Perhaps you’ve had counselling before and it didn’t help. That can make starting again difficult. You might wonder whether counselling just isn’t for you.
But one experience doesn’t necessarily tell you what every future experience of counselling will be like.
There are lots of things that can affect how counselling feels and what you get from it. It might have been the particular counsellor. It might have been the approach. It might have been the circumstances you were in at the time. It might simply not have felt like the right relationship for you.
You may also have changed since then.
You’re allowed to take what you learned from that experience and use it when making a decision now.
Perhaps you know something about what you don’t want. Perhaps you know what helped, even if only a little. Perhaps you know that there are questions you wish you had asked before.
That information still has value.
You don’t have to get it right first time
Finding support is a process, not a test you can fail.
You don’t have to know exactly what you need before you start looking, and you also don’t have to stay with the first person you contact.
Sometimes you might speak to someone and realise that something doesn’t feel right for you. That doesn’t necessarily mean anyone has done anything wrong. It may simply mean that the relationship, approach, timing or circumstances aren’t working for you.
If you decide that something isn’t working, changing direction doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve learned something.
You’re also allowed to ask for clarification, talk about something that isn’t working for you, or decide that you want to stop.
That doesn’t mean you have to make decisions quickly. It means that your perspective remains part of the process.
You don’t have to hand over your voice
Sometimes seeking support can feel like handing responsibility to someone who knows more than you do.
Of course, a counsellor will have training and professional knowledge that you may not have. That doesn’t mean they know your life better than you do. You are the person who knows what it is like to live your life.
A counsellor can offer a different perspective, help you explore things, notice patterns, develop understanding and consider possibilities. But that doesn’t mean they should make your decisions for you.
For me, counselling is about creating space for that process.
The counsellor is a resource. The support is there to help you explore what is happening and develop your own understanding. It isn’t the destination.
You remain the person directing your own journey.
So where does self-trust fit in?
I don’t think self-trust means simply doing whatever feels right in the moment.
Sometimes what feels familiar isn’t necessarily what is helpful. Sometimes anxiety can make something feel wrong when it is simply unfamiliar. Sometimes we need another perspective before we can understand what we think.
For me, self-trust is more about being able to listen to yourself while remaining open to information, questions and other perspectives.
You can say:
- I’m not sure.
- I need more information.
- I want to think about that.
- I don’t understand.
- That doesn’t feel right for me.
- I’d like to try something different.
Those are all valid parts of making an informed choice.
Autonomy doesn’t mean doing everything alone. It means being able to remain involved in the decisions that affect you.
You can seek support without giving away your voice.
A few questions to begin with
If you’re thinking about counselling, you don’t need to have everything worked out before you begin looking.
You might start with a few simple questions:
- What am I actually looking for help with?
- What matters to me when choosing someone?
- What do I want to ask?
- What do I need to feel safe and respected?
- How will I know if something doesn’t feel right for me?
These aren’t rules for finding a counsellor. They’re simply somewhere to begin.
You may not be able to answer all of them straight away. That’s okay.
Sometimes finding your way starts with working out which questions matter.
Finding your own compass
There’s a lot of noise around counselling.
There are different approaches, different opinions, different experiences and plenty of information telling you what you might need.
Some of that information will be useful. Some of it won’t. You don’t have to absorb all of it before you can take your next step.
You can take your time.
You can change your mind.
You can learn from experiences that didn’t work.
You can seek support without handing over responsibility for your life.
And you can remain curious about what you need, even when you don’t know the answer yet.
I’m a qualified counsellor, and I’m still learning. I think that’s important to say.
I don’t see counselling as someone coming along to fix another person. I see it as a space where someone can begin to make sense of things, explore possibilities and develop their own understanding.
You don’t have to navigate it alone.
But you can remain your own compass.